Tending to the Flock

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive” – Howard Thurman

 

For two years, I helped plan a retreat at my university that empowered students to explore their vocation – the special gifts and talents we have all been given and how they fit into this wide and swimming organism of a world.

We focused on the four questions, with speeches and activities corresponding to each:

“What brings me joy?” “What am I good at?” “Where does love fit in?” and “What does the world need me to do?”

These are tremendously profound questions to journal on, meditate on, stick on our mirrors and ponder while we brush our teeth. I’m becoming devastatingly familiar with how much these questions mean to me as I navigate my first year post-college and try to understand what my yearnings are and where they beckon me to follow.

That being said, the description that went along with one of the questions made me scrunch up my eyebrows in disagreement. Every time we talked about “What does the world need me to do?” participants told the same story as an example of this precept in action. I tried to find a source for this story, and for how many people repeated it I’m sure it came from somewhere, but I haven’t had any luck yet. The story goes a little something like this:

You could find great joy in being a shepherd, herding sheep could make you incredibly happy, and you could be really good at it. You could love it with a passion springing from somewhere deep and graceful in your bones, and your shepherding of sheep would satisfy those first three questions of vocation. But it’s the 21^st century, and the world does not need shepherds. So shepherding would not fit the definition of vocation, and you should find something else more suited to the urgent needs of the world.

So if you love shepherding, you had better pick some other calling because you sure aren’t helping the modern world much when you hang out with sheep on a hill somewhere.

I hope this story helped someone grow in their personal development, and I hope it focused someone’s clarity, and I hope it inspired someone. But this story just didn’t work for me.

I believe that when we start thinking this way, we poison ourselves with Dream Guilt. We start weeding out our dreams and telling ourselves tame reasons why we shouldn’t go after them, and if we keep at it, we may look back on our lives one day drenched with regret and crippling unhappiness.

What if Angelina Jolie had said in the 1990s, “Well, the world doesn’t need one more actress, so never mind. I’ll go get a nice little job in business or something.” She certainly would have been right by conventional thinking – actresses come and go, fame flickers, someone else would have starred in her roles. But would the world be the same? Would her humanitarian impact still resonate around the globe? Or is it possible that the world needs people who are willing to crack themselves open and follow their hearts and talents – no matter how shadowy the trail, and no matter how many naysayers tell them their work is frivolous and unnecessary.

Our self-doubt, our fear, and our ego will already give us bountiful reasons why we shouldn’t follow our dreams. Our inner voice clamors somewhere in our chest, but we already struggle to hear its dampered sound through the gnawing trivialities of the day-to-day.

Add those self-sabotaging tendencies to Society’s spindly finger pointing at us to stay in line, and mix in some well-meaning-yet-fear-laden advice from our family and friends… there is a recipe brewing for us to stay meek and conforming and quiet. Surely we don’t need to add one more layer to the mix by scolding ourselves that the world doesn’t need our gifts and callings.

The world needs us to do the things that light our hearts on fire. No more, no less. Your burning desires have been nestled in your heart for a reason, and you owe it to yourself to follow their nudges wherever they lead. Your path will change. Your heart will grow. Your spirit will soar. Your opportunities will open up. Your smile will radiate so blindingly that your bathroom mirror will barely recognize you.

Of course a sense of social justice should be integral in our actions. And of course we should never stop helping, never stop learning, never stop immersing ourselves in heartbreaking understanding of the world’s problems. But the world needs us most when we are fully committed to our life and our passions – not when we go through the motions of something we don’t want to do because we think it’s what the world needs most, yearning after another path the whole time.

The world needs so many things that we can’t always see how our individual callings fit into the whole, but let’s muster up the faith that they do. In a grand cosmic twist, I recently found out that O’Hare Airport has decided to use sheep and goats to graze on the overgrowth. And do you know what position they are hiring for?

You guessed it: a shepherd. As it turns out, if your joy and calling – and, yes, your vocation – is to be a shepherd, the 21^st century needs you after all.

 

Love & Wool Blankets & Happy Endings,

KelseyNic

 

(Do you wildly disagree with me? Have you ever guilted yourself out of your heart’s longing? Share your wisdom in the comments section!)

 

Deviating Passions

“All the great saints, in all the traditions, are beings who live absolute passion.” – Daniel Odier

When we meet new people, one of the first niceties that pops into conversation tends to be “So what do you do?”

As if we are what we studied in school, and nothing else. As if our worthiness is inextricably chained to the title on our business card.

And based on our response, lots of implications bounce around: Are you in school? Do you have a Good job? Did you major in something “useful”?

I propose we ditch these limiting expectations and reframe our lives by starting conversations with: “What lights you up? What sets you on fire? What are you passionate about?”

Passion is the key to everything sweet in our lives. Without passion, we limp along unhappily with a goal of surviving – of making it out of this life with as little pain and risk and heartache as possible, always wondering about what our lives might have looked like had we followed our childhood yearnings.

Passion works miracles. Passionate people are alchemists who turn nothing into something, ideas into structures, nightmares into works of art. Substance into matter. Ashes into gold.

When I was passionate about starting a farmers market in Chicago, this fragile little embryonic idea of a farmers market kept me wild-eyed and on fire. It started as a creative dream that barely sprouted out of the soil – a dream that needed to be watered and coddled and believed in, and a dream that involved so many collaborators that it is difficult to wrap my mind around whose dream it was or where the chain all began. One day, the idea was big and real in all of its glory, beckoning strangers to come together and bring it forth into the world.

I worked nonstop in bursts of frenzy that somehow never wore me down, even through the 3 AM sessions of papers feathered all over my dormitory floor and the 100 degree days of wading through broken glass with my mentor, wondering how we could transform a decrepit urban lot into a clearinghouse of peace and beauty. The farmers market gave me strength and introduced me to some of the most big-hearted and ambitious people the world has ever seen – the other creative dreamers who worked their hearts out to write a business plan, who spent their precious summer nights at Uncommon Ground brainstorming ways to expand the market’s reach, who toiled in the sun in the name of community building and sustainable development.

And then life changed, the first season of the market was over, and many of us were forced to move on. It was as simple and complicated as that. The Universe intertwined us together for some of the best days of our lives, and now like shooting stars we have careened apart to continue our work in different dreamy manifestations.

Passion still reigns in myself and in all of the farmers market collaborators, but now we channel it into new adventures. This reality of twists, turns, and bursts of enthusiasm for more than one life goal runs counter to that flat and stagnant question of “… so, what do you DO?”

Passion doesn’t care what you studied in school or how many abbreviations come after your name.

Passion doesn’t care that you helped start a farmers market years ago because passion renews itself. Passion meets you where you are and doesn’t stop beckoning you to follow its call, even if the path is swampy and unfamiliar.

Passion doesn’t care if you feel ready to take on something new, because Passion already knows how juicy and capable you are.

These days, I am lit up by thinking about creative writing as a means to empowerment. I dream about where people’s passions come from and why people choose (or don’t choose) to follow them. I journal about what it would take for someone to live a life of their richest and wildest daydreams, and then I sink deeper and wonder why many people don’t even bother to try.

We must give ourselves permission to change directions, knowing that no matter what we “do,” we are divine channels of endless radiant light.

If something once lit your heart on fire, but is now part of the malaise that mucks you down, you are not obliged to stick with that original dream. Don’t let yourself be fooled by the trappings of your comfort zone. Move on to something more invigorating.

If your heart urges you to change directions, honor that feeling. If you have a sneaking suspicion you have been living out the expectations of your parents, you are probably right. Do something about that. Take one baby step forward into your own power, even if that baby step is all you have in you right now.

Having the gumption to follow our passions is brave and vulnerable, courageous and earth shattering. Criticism and ridicule from a small-minded fragment of the population is certain, as is the uncomfortable fact that we will come face to face with great gloppy layers of our own shame.

Some days, you may clench your fists and plead with the sky and wonder why you couldn’t have just been happy as a Nice Person with a Nice Normal Job like everyone around you that appears to be satisfied. But then Passion will keep on beckoning. Maybe your particular spirit does not care about Nice Normal Jobs. Maybe “happy enough” is not enough for you. Maybe you are more interested in thriving than in merely surviving.

I have so much more to say on this topic. More passion-centered writing to come – until then, please feel free to share your glorious wisdom in the comments section.

Keep on shining,

KelseyNic

Florida sunset from an airplane window

Stuckness and Revival

Everyone is a multifaceted expert who is talented in ways both celebrated and secretive, useful and quirky.

I don’t know what people think I’m an expert in, but the most immediate thing that comes to my mind is that in between radiant periods of happiness, I am an expert on being depressed and stuck in a rut. I am an expert on being ruthlessly insatiable, on following my adrenaline-fueled dreams in a burst of passion until I drop… into a rut. Where everything comes to a blood-curdling halt, and all I want to do is sink into my bed irretrievably.

We all have these times of stuckness, of feeling tentative in our own skin. All of us. Everyone. Despite abundant external circumstances, sometimes everything slows down in our minds and congeals into one grey blob of malaise. Life can screech to a frightening lull when the things that used to inspire us start to invoke boredom, leaving us wondering why we were put on this planet in the first place.

When I saw Anne Lamott speak last week, she imparted this wisdom: “If you think it’s hard here, the truth is a lot of us think it’s hard here too.” This didn’t come off as depressing – I felt liberated that everyone goes through episodes of sadness. It took me 23 years for it to sink in that we all have this experience – sometimes as the result of life events, sometimes just Because, and both equally valid.

Dark emotions are valuable – they are the pink neon arrows that alert us when we are not living in line with our highest potential. They teach us. They deepen us. But if left unchecked, they can also destroy us. Here are a few guideposts I have picked up along the way for when it seems like Life is knocking us down:

*Look for lifelines. Hope is a mysterious force that lends us strength when our sense of purpose is wobbly. Look for clues that the universe is on your side and that better things are ahead. When I commit myself to looking for synchronicities, I often see “1:11” “4:44” “11:11” pop up repeatedly whenever I check the time. That brings me hope that I am in sync with the mysterious forces of the unknown and keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.

Lifelines can also come as surprise texts from a friend, a song on the radio that sparks our most beloved (or repressed) memory, comforting dreams, intuitive knowings, interactions with strangers, or any other number of infinite avenues.  Keep your eyes open, and choose to believe in the truth and beauty of these lifelines.

*Keep moving. Sometimes the most compelling impulse is to sink deeper into the rut and let the shadowy emotions enfold us. Inaction is the worst thing we could possibly do to revive ourselves because a lot of feeling “stuck” comes from a sense of isolation and stagnation. Keep showing up to life at whatever level you can manage.

*Treat yourself.  We spend so much time fawning after celebrities and buying immaculately-chosen gifts for our friends – doing one nice thing for ourselves won’t kill us.

*Shake things up. When we feel like our vibrant lives have flatlined to a blasé norm, we can recharge our energy by breaking our standard routines. Do something differently than normal, even something as small as taking a different route to work. Sign up for a community class that you have always been interested in. Dare to wear more colors to work. Buy coffee for the person in line behind you.

(See my post “Adoring Nonsense” for more thoughts on how out-of-the-ordinary activities can transform us)

*Wander. Take a stroll in a place that inspires you or ignites your curiosity. Don’t worry about a final destination – wandering revolts against the linear and gives us the spaciousness to open up to new experiences. Let yourself be moved by what you see, hear, smell, and experience, and let yourself learn a few things from the people you meet.

*Burn your to-do list. E-mails to respond to, errands to run, choices to make, insurance companies to call…. these nagging tasks can all add up to tremendous overwhelm. Wipe the slate clean. Let it all go. Unfreeze yourself.

If you eventually need to accomplish some of these tasks, fine, but make a new list from scratch and marvel at how much shorter it becomes once the excess is cut away.

*Daydream. Envision what your life would look and feel like if you were living your dreams. Fixate on what you would be doing, what you would be wearing, what your home would look like, how you would see the world. Let these images sink into your bones for a few minutes until you can physically feel what it would be like to experience that reality.

*…But honor where you are today. Daydreaming for too long can leave us despondent that we haven’t achieved that level of happiness yet. Dive into the present moment and find something to be grateful for today.

Let your emotions rock you. Let them teach you. Let your heart be cracked open to a deeper understanding of who you are.

And then let them propel you forward to a life that is bursting with your own brilliance.

Love & Warmth & Smiles,

KelseyNic

 

(Do you have stories & guidance about coping with life’s difficult times? Share your wisdom in the comments section!)

Sabotaging Ourselves

“Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E. E. Cummings

 

I am going to experiment with this blog and see how it goes writing shorter posts more frequently. Lately I have been frenzied and torn among all the things I am writing, and I have let that small annoying part of me that believes in lack and limitation chatter through my brain:

If you had made that blog post longer, you could have submitted it as a memoir piece somewhere and actually gotten Published.

The more you work on your blog, the less you can work on other things.

You remember that you aren’t Published, right? Just checking.

How is that memoir about your eyelashes going? Poorly and slowly? Don’t bother – no one will be interested either way.

You’re writing another book too? About creative empowerment? How nice, too bad you don’t have any accomplishments to your name that would make people listen to you.

And so on and so forth, until it overwhelms me to the point of numbness where I stop working on my writing at all. I could recreate this exercise for all the other non-writing components of my life, but the point isn’t to expose how neurotic I can get. The point is this:

We are all powerful beings, supernovas really, that are capable of experiencing all the bliss and zestiness and miracles of the universe. We are fabulous and magnificent and worthy of our desires. We are bombarded from all angles by things to be grateful for, and we are living in an age of tremendous evolution and growth.

Yet we sabotage ourselves far more than anyone else sabotages us.

In fact, no matter how many people we blame for our own problems, we have more power than anyone else in the world to crush our own dreams. We kill our dreams by engaging in negative self-talk and by choosing to believe in the limitations that have been put on us by our families, our society, our health, and the mean girl at the lunch table in seventh grade.

We piss away our holy time by sitting on the internet for hours, and then we lament to anyone who will listen that we just don’t have time for making our dreams come to life, that it’s just too hard to balance everything.

We let ourselves believe that success must be a struggle, that nothing good comes easily, and that we must fight to prove our worth before we can become Somebody.  We have let ourselves believe that we are what we do, and that we especially are the gaping holes of what we have not done. We tell ourselves that we’re too old, too young, too hysterical, too inexperienced, or too weird-looking to chase after our glowing dreams.

And then we pretend that we are Okay, that we didn’t want happiness anyways, that Daily Life is a suitable alternative for the life we have been imagining. We lick our wounds by telling ourselves that no one likes their jobs anyways, that all men (or women) are jerks, that the world will always be stacked against us, and that we shouldn’t be so unrealistic as to demand a life worth living.

Stop. Just for a second.

Watch how quickly we cocoon into these thoughts and get caught in our own psychic crossfire. No wonder our dreams become so paralyzed.

The next time you unravel into a negative conversation with yourself like the one above, allow yourself to pause and gently examine how you are harnessing your own power to bring yourself down. Notice it. No need to judge it, but make a commitment to become keenly aware of every point in the day when you ebb into this pool of self-criticism.

(This is where you may be tempted to judge yourself. Remember that these negative thoughts are like wispy clouds that dance across the sky at a glittering summer picnic with your friends. We observe the shape and color of the clouds, laugh, and continue on. We don’t hate the clouds for existing, and we certainly don’t decide that the entire sky is useless.)

We are not weird, crazy, or un-spiritual for accidentally sabotaging our own success. Our difficulties do not mean we are lazy or useless. The big secret is that everyone does this to themselves, but not everyone admits it – it’s easier to stay snuggled in our cocoons of the status quo.

As we open our eyes to the ways that we block ourselves from living our most vibrant lives, doors open up and “Aha!” moments occur. So let’s speak to ourselves nicely, as if we still harbor all the secrets and joy and wonder of our seven-year-old selves. And let’s laugh in the playful recognition that we sometimes are our own worst enemies – and let’s dare to love ourselves anyways.

 

Love & Wonder Forever,

KelseyNic

 

(Do you like this piece? Hate it? Can you relate to this experience? Share your wisdom in the comments section!)

Empowered Creativity

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” – Sylvia Plath

 

At the core of every artist, and dare I say every human being, is a throbbing impulse to communicate. As we maneuver through the motions of Daily Life, we restrain our desire to throw paint at the walls and cut deep into the center of our own hauntedness to see what treasures we can unearth.

Many of us have creative hobbies that we nurture in our slivers of free time. Although we sometimes daydream of making these hobbies into something more serious one day, we convince ourselves that we don’t have time or that we ought to do something more Realistic. We are really just terrified of feeling broken open.

Sometimes, when I am feeling extra brave, I consider myself a Writer. Even so, my thoughts are scattered on flits of floating paper that bounce their way in the crevices of my neon orange room, in drawers that were once meekly designated for Organization, in the purses and pockets that I slip in and out of. When I find a new journal to claim as my own, I quickly misplace it. Ideas strike me in the most frantic of places and are scrawled onto movie stubs, business cards, and yellowing receipts.

I gather my fragments of writing together sometimes when I am feeling daring – scribbles stretched across a chilly and cracked hardwood floor. I stare at the words and try to juxtapose them into a meaningful whole, but their auras contrast and their shapes jumble into a discordant mess.

What good are words scrambled in piles across a floor?

I hear lore of First Drafts, Second Drafts, Margins, Queries, Agent Pitches – but my reality is a confetti of words exploded in pockets and stacks and crevices. Nothing of mine resembles that glistening image of Success.

If we deepen our art and write every day in an explosion of directions, but we never channel our energies forward into something concrete, are we still writers?

I want to say YES to this question, a deep and empowering Yes like I would tell my creative writing students if I had any. I want to write for the joy and process of it, for the privilege of speaking my own language, for the jazzy purple energy that gushes and bubbles out of my pen. I want teachers who can hold me accountable and fearlessly cut through the rambling muck. I want to birth something beautiful out of my fear, and I want to let myself be opened by the stories of others.

But too often we hide out and play small with our lives, afraid of stepping into our creative potential. I am ruthlessly guilty of this. We hide behind the journals that accrue in our closets and never reveal their beauty to the eyes of our friends. We write in hushed secrecy through the night, but we nervously laugh when someone asks if we are Writers, “Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s just a silly little hobby.”

We let our creative whispers of childhood lull to sleep without our tender watering and attention.

The problem with this is simple: our voices really do matter. Writing moves us deeper into an understanding of the experiences that come up in this confusing lifetime. We read and write to cling to a flickering hope that someone out there feels the same clatter of discordant emotions that we do. We toss our words out to the sea and beg for someone to identify with what we are saying and break through the isolation.

I hope the day will come when we scrape together the courage to share our creative work with one another. Our voices may be timid at first after so many years of getting used to the silence, but day by day we can learn to practice the courage of expression.

Sometimes it feels terrifying to put our fragile words out into the public where people can rip them (and us) apart. We risk feeling crushed and worthless, and we dredge up opportunities for heartbreak that never existed when we played it safe and kept quiet. But if we don’t share our truth, our recollections of how things happened, our spiritual experiences and heartbreaking losses – who will?

The best thing we can do is just begin. We can start a blog that our friends read. We can ask a family member to look at a poem we secretly wrote, even if we have no intention of ever submitting it for publication. If we aren’t yet ready to share our work but would like to be, we can dip our toes in the water by appreciating the words of someone else and starting a book group.

Let’s not let these gems of beauty die inside of us. Let’s not make our loved ones sift through avalanches of unseen writing someday. Let’s decide to share now.

 

Dreaming creative dreams in a vineyard in Decatur Illinois

Honoring The Muse

“Creativity takes courage. ” – Henri Matisse

Do you spend five minutes a day checking your facebook?

Do you spend five minutes a day living creatively, tending to your goals and dreams, and expressing your most authentic Self?

Our logical, realistic, pragmatic minds have squashed the amount of creativity that we allow ourselves to express on a daily basis. It can feel like desk jobs, families, household tasks, and existing commitments all work to suck us dry, frittering our precious moments away until we have nowhere to fit in the time to “be creative.”

Or maybe we have convinced ourselves that we just aren’t creative to begin with, that our brother or sister was The Artsy One, that being creative means being artistic, and that the need to express our wild and colorful sides is something reserved for others far more interesting, neurotic, passionate or weird than ourselves.

When we trap ourselves into these kinds of thinking, we put a damper on the sparkling part of ourselves that makes us so unique. You don’t need to be naturally talented at painting or writing to appreciate the goofy beginner’s joy that comes with creating your own new recipe, or by turning your day into an extraordinary adventure by going somewhere new just because you feel like it.

There is room in this Universe for everyone’s voice to be radiantly expressed. It is natural, necessary, and joyful to unleash the stories and feelings inside of us, even if we have no interest in becoming professional artists or writers. Whether we channel our efforts into making a computer program or a tea company, a lesson plan or a knitted scarf, a snowman or a farmers’ market, opportunities abound to direct our energy towards something meaningful.

It takes courage to step into our own creative power and decide to live every day in an expressive and authentic way. It takes an upheaval of our stale and deeply-rooted thought patterns to allow ourselves to be creative every single moment of our lives, even in the daily mundane situations that we bumble through.

I believe we have a channel of creativity flowing through us all the time. When we don’t express our true feelings in the course of a conversation, we block that flow. When we unhappily resign ourselves to living a certain way just because social convention says we should, we block that flow.

Lately, I have been working on establishing the courage to follow through on the visionary plans and ideas that crash through my mind. It is easier to damper or ignore those creative impulses than it is to take ownership of them, to aid and abet the muse and commit to the miraculous ways that these seeds of self-expression can transform the trajectory of our lives.

I want to have the courage to write as if I am telling stories to my friends – huddled around a bonfire, weary-eyed in a cheap student apartment, flailing my hand gestures at a coffeeshop to emphasize the intricacies of the exact moment that I’m trying to recreate. I want to have the capacity to write books that my nephews can read when they’re older, books addressed to their budding identities but also to my future Self.

I want to scribble my hand across a page without fear of breaking the people I love, infusing my words with a soft yet vigilant conviction that this is indeed how it all unfolded, in all of life’s brokenness and complexity and joy.

I envision a world where everyone I know decides to express themselves with abandon – without stopping to look up grammar rules online, without giving up hope when someone says their entrepreneurial idea is unrealistic, without self-doubt gnarling its snaky knuckles around the fragile necks of our dreams.

What if we all wrote our office memos with gel pens, admiring the glistening change of color as the words settle into their places? Can you imagine a world with more doodling in the margins, more smiles, more new ideas, and more eclectic small business owners determined to live their dreams and heal the world?

By invoking our commitment to self-expression, our days can become lighter and more meaningful. When we feel empowered to forge our own way in the world, we feel more comfortable in our own skin and more willing to dive into the looming fears that stand in our way. We own our stories and look eagerly ahead to an even more fulfilling future, while embracing the loveliness of the present day.

Next time you find yourself frustrated that you have no time to invest in your creativity, I invite you to turn off your computer and cell phone and notice how much spaciousness this creates in a mere few minutes. Whether you spend this time daydreaming about how to transform your secret sheltered goals into reality, writing down a plan of action, or dusting off your scrapbooking supplies, this time to nurture your playful expressive self is valuable to the transformation of the world. I want to see where this kind of creativity can lead us.

My mom & I took a step outside our comfort zones and took a painting class together – here are our creations!

Welcome 2013!

Every year, I hear the same round of complaints against New Years resolutions – “they’re lazy,” “no one sticks to them anyways,” “if you really wanted to change your life, you wouldn’t wait until New Years.”

And every year, despite the New Years Grinches, I have a tremendous burst of enthusiasm towards making lofty resolutions and encouraging the resolutions of those around me. This time of year feels fresh with new opportunities, and I love making new goals even if they fade away as the months crawl on. Maybe it’s because my birthday is a few days away, making this time of year ripe with my own self reflection. Maybe it’s because I embrace the practice of making new goals every single day of our lives, and New Years Day is as perfect of a day as any to turn over a new leaf.

Or maybe it’s because I am overwhelmed with gratefulness that our mainstream society, so often rife with flaws and injustices and superficial priorities and frustrations, dedicates an entire cultural event (and even a National Holiday) to committing to new changes in our personal growth. How amazing is that?!

Here are some of my resolutions for 2013. Don’t hold me to them rigidly – just let me take steps day by day to embody them, offering your guidance if I seem to stray off the path:

1. Maintain good posture. As a dancer, posture has always been immaculately important to my sense of presence. After years of spending time behind computer screens, I am starting to find myself instinctively slumping forward or sitting in awkward and crooked positions. No longer!

2. Ask for help when I need it. This is something I hugely need to work on. I am graced with many people who love and support me (emotionally, materially, and otherwise) and although I know they would instantly offer their support if called on, I rarely let anyone know when I need help. I feel much safer in the roles of helper, listener, healer, comforter so I tend to stay in these roles and ultimately have refused to let my deepest vulnerabilities shine through.

3.Sign up for training in Reiki and/or Yoga. I have already been talking to some cool women I recently met in Naperville to officially go through Reiki Level I training/attunement this spring. Ultimately I want to go through 200-hour yoga teacher training too, but I’m not sure if that will be a 2013 or 2014 accomplishment.

4. Continue working every day to dissolve my trichotillomania. By now I have learned that “Stop pulling out my eyelashes” is an ineffective and guilt-inducing New Years resolution — the most powerful thing I can do is make this day-in-day-out commitment to my healing.

5. Write a Love Letter to Myself. My friend Jillie is coordinating a fabulous book project where women write love letters to themselves, and although I have written several drafts of my letter I have a long way to go before I have a finished product. More to come on this topic – I will soon start rallying my loved ones to write your own love letters too.

 6. Manifest a supportive living situation that allows me to feel loved and free. This means figuring out where The Universe wants me to situate myself…. whether by myself, with family, or with friends… whether in the suburbs or in Chicago…

7. Keep in touch more actively with the people I love AND (an important corollary) forgive myself when I don’t. There are so many fabulous, inspiring members of my sphere of community that I wish I could call and e-mail and Skype and get brunch with constantly, blanketed in the comfort of their friendship. I want to make a larger commitment to carve time out of my days to catch up with people, but ultimately every hour I spend keeping in touch is an hour that I am not working to achieve my life goals. I hope 2013 will find me embracing this balance without beating myself up about how horrible of a friend I must be if I fall short.

8. Do the things that scare me. I have been inspired by the artist Kelly Rae Roberts to “do the thing you didn’t think you could do.” Two major things I never thought (and still don’t REALLY think) I could do are singing and anything acrobatic. Singing, flips, yoga poses that involve arm balances or generally being upside down, even cartwheels on my left hand side have always been reserved for “other people” in my mind, so I think this means I need to learn how to do them.  Read my hula hoop blog post for more on this topic.

9. Go on a cool trip by myself. I have been researching writing and yoga festivals around the Midwest where I could create my own cost-effective mini-retreat and embrace new experiences, places, and people. I also want to definitely spend a weekend or two in Ann Arbor and hopefully spend time in Houston and Worcester to see some people I love, and I think Mark and I are heading to Florida in the spring… but I should probably iron out those details at some point…

10. Drink more green smoothies. And practice my French. And practice Spanish. And submit at least a few writing pieces to contests & magazines. And find somewhere to teach a writing-as-healing class….. I told you I make resolutions every day…

What are your resolutions for 2013? Feel free to share them in the comments section so we can continue to inspire one another!

May 2013 be the best year of our lives!